


Shenanighans

by ibonekoen



Category: Robin Hood (BBC 2006)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Gen, Modern Era
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-11
Updated: 2014-02-11
Packaged: 2018-01-11 22:34:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,683
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1178761
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ibonekoen/pseuds/ibonekoen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tronzler prompted: Killian and Robin misadventures lolololol can be canon or modern. Just something with the two of them. Bonus points for Guy and/or Marian.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Shenanighans

**Author's Note:**

  * For [tronzler](https://archiveofourown.org/users/tronzler/gifts).



The sky’s streaked orange and red, flames shot across the blue, and it should put a disheartening wind in my sails because every sailor knows straight down to his bones that a red sky in the morning means you take warning. But I can smell the salt of the sea as the soft wind ruffles my hair and I can’t help but smile in spite of the red sky—I’m getting married today. How can anything go wrong?

With that thought still prevalent in my mind, I realize that I’m lying on my back, staring up at the cloudless sky. I can feel the ground beneath me rocking with the steady, gentle ease that’s as familiar to me as breathing. I’ve spent my life on and around all shapes and sizes of boats, enough to know that I’m waking up on one, even if I am hungover and confused.

I sit up with a jolt, my heart thumping against my chest, and the motion sets the dinghy rocking harder. My heart sinks as I cast a frantic glance around me; there isn’t a speck of land within seeing distance of my naked eye.

The jostling of the boat has awakened the other occupant, my oaf of a little brother, Robin, and he raises his hand to his head as he grumbles “Oi, Killian, settle down. You’re rocking the bloody boat.”

I lift my eyebrows and give him an expectant look, and I see his eyes go wide as it dawns on him what he just said.

“Killian,” he drawls slowly, his hands shooting out to grip either side of the dinghy, “why are we in a boat?”

“Was going to ask you the same question.” I’m not sure why I think he’ll supply the mystical answers I seek. He may have been the one to plan my bachelor party, but he’s clearly just as confused and suffering from inebriation as me.

Possibly more so, given that my brother is like a fish to water when it comes to alcohol.

Robin’s still gripping the sides of the boat, and I realize with a start that his knuckles are white with the effort. It hits me a second later and I groan; there’s a reason I’m the only seafaring Locksley—I’m the only one not terrified by the open seas.

“Best not look around you, baby bird. You won’t—” I cut off with a sigh as Robin turns his head to the left and lets out a yelp.

“Where’s the dock, Killian?” he yells, his voice a pitch or two higher than normal.

That triggers something in my mind thought—the dock! We’d been partying on a yacht in the harbor! That must be where we got the dinghy. It doesn’t answer how we ended up drifting into open waters, but it’s a start.

First, before this gets any further, I have to calm my brother.

“Robin, I need you to focus on me and listen.”

I frown as he pays me no attention. His eyes dart from one side to the other, and he twists around violently to glance over his shoulder.

Of course, the sudden motion has the tiny boat lurching, and I wince as I imagine us capsizing. We’re both wearing life jackets, thankfully, but I’d just rather avoid ending up in the water all the same.

“Robin!” I bark, letting my voice take on that authoritative quality that he’s always said reminds him of Dad. He’d never failed to snap to attention when Dad commanded it.

He doesn’t fail now either as his eyes swing back to meet mine. He takes a deep breath, which is good because I was just about to tell him to do that, and goes completely still.

I muster up one of my encouraging smiles. “You’ve got to calm down, Robin, okay? Any more sudden movements like that and we’re liable to capsize, so just stay still, all right?”

He swallows hard but manages a weak nod of his head. His skin has gone almost completely ashen, but I’ll take that over seasick green.

“What are we gonna do? We’re gonna be late to the wedding! Guy’s gonna kill me!”

I snort. “That’s the last of my worries, baby bird. Marian’s going to kill _me_.” I take a deep breath and rake my fingers through my hair. “No, it’s okay. It’s fine. We’re going to be just fine.”

“How are we going to be fine, Killian? We’re in the middle of the fucking ocean and there’s no land in sight! We’ve got no oars and there’s no way we’re going to get a mobile signal out here. How are we _fine_?” Robin’s voice is edging higher and higher with hysteria. “We’re going to die. We’re going to die, and Guy was right, a party on a yacht was a _terrible_ idea.”

I roll my eyes and sigh. “Relax, Robin. We’re not going to die, and the party was a fantastic idea. This is just a...speed bump.”

He snorts loudly. “A speed bump? That’s what you call this?”

I resist the urge to roll my eyes again. He’s just scared and trying not to show it, that’s all. “Just take a deep breath, baby bird, and calm down. You forget, I’m an experienced sailor.”

He grumbles under his breath, “At least you didn’t say ‘seaman.’”

I grin and snicker as I slide off my seat and onto my knees so I can start feeling around under my seat. The dinghy had been attached to the yacht, and any boat owner worth his or her salt would have an emergency kit stowed under either Robin’s seat or mine. While I’m hoping to find a collapsible oar underneath the seat as well, I’ll settle for the flares and other useful items I know will be in the kit—well, assuming that the boat owner keeps his or her kit well-stocked.

To my slight disappointment, there is no oar, but I hadn’t really expected there to be, honestly. A pair would’ve been wonderful, but I’d have settled for one. Most people just don’t think about keeping one around these days, what with motors and all that being so convenient. Rowing’s a dying art; a collegiate sport, a relic of the past. I personally think it should make a comeback. Builds character as well as strong arms, having to row yourself to shore.

Robin’s muttering to himself again as I fish the kit out and move back to my original spot on the seat. He’s got his mobile out and is holding it up as he moves his hand this way and that.

I snort as I open the kit lid. “Put it away, baby bird. You’re never going to get a signal and you know you’ll be upset when you drop it in the drink.”

He scoffs. “I’m not going to—”

The ship lurches a bit as we hit some choppy water, and he fumbles, fingers scrabbling to catch the phone. He misses, of course, but it thankfully drops to the bottom of the boat. I just raise my eyebrows as he snatches the phone up, and he grumbles as he shoves it back into his jeans pocket.

“Not a word.”

I lift my hands and shake my head. “Wasn’t saying anything.”

His eyes narrow. “You were thinking it though. I can hear the little wheels turning.”

He might be right about that, but I’ll never confirm it. I just chuckle and focus my attention on the kit as I sort through the contents. It actually looks pretty favorable; whoever packed it even included some energy bars. I take one out and toss it to my brother before tearing into the wrapping of another with my teeth.

Robin makes a soft “Ugh” as he catches the bar and examines it. “No thanks. I’m queasy enough with the boat rocking.”

“You need to eat something. Soak up some of the alcohol in your system and give you some energy. Could be hours before we’re rescued.” I’m thinking it won’t be too long; we can’t have drifted that far out from the harbor, and they have to be looking for us.

He grumbles again, just general noises of complaint, but rips into the bar’s packaging and breaks off a piece to nibble. A few moments later, he sighs. “Guy’s never going to let me forget this. He said from the start this was a terrible idea and tried to talk me into another venue.”

I scoff and load one of the flares into the pistol so I can shoot it off. “Are you nuts? This was perfect. Even with the stranded bit.” I smile and wink at my brother as I raise the pistol over my head and fire off the flare. “Look at this way, Rob, we’ll have a great story to tell.”

Robin gives me a skeptical look but slowly starts to grin. “With embellishments, of course.”

I laugh and nod, smirking. “It’s the pirate way.”

\----

It takes a couple of hours but the Coastguard finally shows up. By then, the sun’s already been high in the sky and is slowly dipping lower. The lieutenant who helps us on board informs us that it’s three o’clock, and I grimace as I glance at Robin, who’s gone ashen.

“This may end up being a wedding and a funeral,” he mutters.

I can’t help but throw my head back and laugh, grinning as I reach out to ruffle his hair. “Well, there’s nothing more fashionable than arriving late to your own funeral, baby bird. It’ll be fine.”

While Marian and Guy _do_ yell at us, in the end, they’re more relieved that we’re alive and well. The wedding goes off without any further hitches or delays, and there actually isn’t a funeral. By the time the sun is slipping below the horizon, I’m a happily married man and Guy and Robin are canoodling in a corner. All in all, I’d call it a smashing success.

Oh, the moral of the story? It’s never a dull moment if you’re around a Locksley.


End file.
